2001-03-05

Last week was husband's spring break so we went south--to Illinois. We had a good time visiting with various relatives. We brought a birthday present to nephew C-- who will be one on Wednesday. He was most fascinated with the paper and the card. But I think he also liked the present--the wiggle jiggle bug from Fisher-Price. It was of course my birthday last week as well. It was kind of a bittersweet birthday as people kept asking me what I wanted. My mom had asked me in January so I actually gave her ideas. Anyone that asked after Feb 16 got a very glum--you can't get me what I really want. I suppose that really for the last 5 years it has felt like that. People asking and expecting you to rattle off books, cds, clothes and really all you want is something that your parents/friends can't give you. My family were really good sports about it though and so most people gave me money. Husband gave me a portable CD player and my mom gave me clothes. I've even spent some of the money on stuff that the people who gave me the money might have bought for me. I got a new foot for my sewing machine to help me do free motion quilting as well as a sweater and a CD. I still have over $100 to spend.

My sewing machine and my car were both in the shop at the same time, thankfully while we were gone. My car took 8 days to get fixed, and they never offered me a replacement car (although had it not been ready Friday, I would BE driving a car that they gave me and they would not be charging me). It ended up costing $700. My sewing machine also took 8 days, although most of that time was spent waiting in line to be fixed. Also no replacement, but not as big a deal. The great part is though, that the sewing machine is still under warranty and so it was free, which was good.

On my birthday husband and I stayed at a bed and breakfast with a great restaurant attached. The inn and the breakfast were mediocre, but the dinner was superb. Have you ever actually moaned over food? I thought I was in one of those commercials were the woman is all orgasmic over her shampoo and people say--I'll have what she's having. It was soooooo good. Mushroom in puff pastry, I drool just thinking about it.

Other good birthday things: I got to see both S and E. S talks a blue streak, he and E wanted to help me blow out the candles on the cake. Actually S-- wanted to know if he could "share" my birthday. I told him he could share my dinner, cake and candle blowing. They practiced for 2 days. It was cute. Because of the kids, I allowed several more candles and golly, we blew them all out. S-- also made me a card with a turtle that "has googly eyes" as he stated. E-- parroted "google." She also grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hall saying "Lil! Monster!" which means we were looking for monsters with flashlights.

Coming back was a lot harder than I thought it would be. And Friday I had a bad downer kind of day. For the first time in a few days I burst into tears quite often. I also cried myself to sleep both Friday and Saturday which I had not done in a while. Part of it I am sure was the news that the adoption agency wants to bill us for the time spent with the birthmother. If they do, it will be a lot harder to do the "plan". The plan right now is to go to the agency we first liked. We are in the process of checking them out. The plan also includes not jumping on a situation that feels funny to us and making sure that next time things work out perfect.

Coming back to work has been a little harder than I thought too. Most of my co-workers are treating me with kid gloves. Some of them are leaving me cryptic notes. Many are pretending nothing happened. Of course it is possible that they don't know as communication has always been an "issue" here. However after an hour I wanted to cry and quit. Nothing particular, just normal stuff.

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