Stalking the Stacks with Library Lil
*Stalking the Stacks with Library Lil* |
2005-11-10 There are many many things I love about motherhood. Simply watching and helping a person develop and learn about navigating the world is satisfying. Having toddlers lean into you while you read stories, or having a little person say--I just want to cuddle, that is just icing on the cake. I have always loved the "look' that your child gives you --a "look" they save just for you--a look of love and admiration. A look that says--I know you are *my* big person and you will always be there for me. I also secretly love that they can "reject" me to play with someone else, but the second they get hurt in any way (even just feelings) they come running to me (even if daddy is right there).In some ways, I think motherhood is all I ever dreamed it would be. Certainly it is worth all the hassle I went through to get here. However, motherhood does have one big downside. There are no days off. Oh, you might be able to get the occaisional vacation day, by having your mom watch the kids while you and your partner take a romantic weekend. But motherhood (and parenthood) just has a crappy sick leave policy. I say this a day after Emily had her first diaper blowout in well so long I can't remember the last and two days after the fateful naptime that Amy puked on me and we sat on the kitchen floor in our underpants (well she had a diaper) while I let her finish crying. All this while I am fighting the same yuk that Amy has (and Emily is probably getting). In fact I have almost lost my voice (always a plus when dealing with toddlers) and last night I slept worse than the girls. This morning, I woke up (well decided to stop thrashing about in bed) and in addition to my throat being raw, my sinuses were so full that my teeth hurt. I couldn't stand the thought of food. I just really could not function. Husband had work, and couldn't stick around. So I popped an allergy pill and called MIL. She came over and I slept for an hour. I feel better for it (I can function) and yet I feel guilty. Taking care of Amy and Emily is my job, and yet today I had to call in a sub (a sub who I really didn't want to get this cold). I should be elated, that I managed to carve out a little sick time from a job that in reality doesn't have any. Instead I feel guilty. I got an extra nap, while husband had to work (and he feels crappy too--I think he didn't sleep well until I got up), I exposed MIL to this YUK and shirked my job. I know I shouldn't feel this way--I'll be up all night when Emily gets this, and I'll be covering for husband when he needs this nap. I guess I just think I'm supposed to be this super person who doesn't need naps or time off--I'm mom after all. |
