2008-11-10

Actually, I've been dealing with this for almost a month now, when my parents were visiting and my mom casually mentioned that they had no more vacation days left in 2008, and so everyone should come to her house for Christmas. Husband and I had already discussed this, his big objections being thus:
1) it takes us two days to get there
2) roads are often treacherous in December.
Last year, he says he felt like we were in actual physical danger while we were driving (through snow, ice and fog). And he didn't want to chance it again.
He's a proactive type of guy and so used his magic google skillz and found a place that looks pretty nice and is about 3 hours from both my brother's house and our house (eight from my mom's but if she times it right, 3.5 from my stepfather's parents--who they have time to visit despite not having vacation time). We estimated based on room rates listed on the website that we could have an entire cabin for two nights at $350 each family plus a bit for food. I ran it past my brother first. He vetoed it on the grounds of it costing too much money. (Husband estimated that to get to my mom's it would probably cost us $350) I admit, I was a little irked. I finally swallowed my anger and invited us all to his house. The jury's still out on that one. I also need to call the bed and breakfast and ask if they have a rate for the whole cabin that might be lower than the price of the 4 rooms combined.

Then, as if the whole where are we going wasn't complicated enough, my mother wants Christmas lists from all of us by Wednesday so she can start shopping. She *always* goes overboard on presents, so usually husband and I work on ways that we can tell her to not spend so much money. This year I flat out told her. I also told her that the girls did not need any new toys, but they did need some new pants (and snowpants, but I'm still working on that--maybe that could be their other grandma). I also pushed books and workbooks. She wanted to know what the girls are asking for. Well, I don't really like to encourage the whole--what do you want for Christmas thing before December, but today I did ask them if they had thought about what they might ask santa for. Emily said a panda vet set like she saw at Target and Amy said a stuffed dog named biscuit. I know that they both might like some new furniture for their dollhouses, some clothes for their barbies and some new polly pocket crap stuff. And honestly, if I thought my mom might only spend $30 in toys for each of them, that's what I'd tell her. But my mother spends way more than that. In fact last year, my mom spent more than Santa and us combined. That's a lot of !@#$ polly pocket. It also makes for a lot of greed.

Last year we were both really upset with how quickly the girls became wrapped up in the unwrapping of present chaos that takes place every year. Every year one or both of the girls has managed to get very overwhelmed and have cried that they want it to stop. And really, the message we'd like to give them, is that a few thoughtful gifts and a whole lot of love is what we should give at christmas time. This seems to be in direct contrast to my brother's family and in conflict with how my mom would like to show love.
Kind of makes for a problem.

I don't have any answers, and I doubt I'll get this solved this year. In fact, every year I feel like I write the same (or similar entries). Someday though, I'll have an answer. And when I do--I'll write it here.

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