2008-11-17

I discovered at least one other thing since I wrote: Amy's stuffed dog named biscuit is actually one of those giant toys you can ride on. Oy. Here I was thinking santa could buy any old stuffed dog, add a tag for its collar that its name was biscuit and be done. Now, I'm thinking we are having the Santa can't always deliver what you want talk. Either that or get her to want something else. My mom seems to have listed to my wished though, she told me she got the ladies mostly clothes (I hope they fit!) and one doll. Sounds simple. Knowing my mom it isn't. No yarn for me from her though, so I'll have to hit up MIL (I'm greedy, the girls don't get to be).

Then today, I got e-mail from my stepfather. I won't put it here, in part because it rambles a bit, in part because that's a little rude. But I'm really a little upset about it. In it, he tries to make us feel guilty (which is totally the wrong way to deal with my brother) for having this get together become and "ordeal" when we should be in "joyful anticipation." You know why Christmas is an ordeal and has been for the last 10 years? Because we've been trying to match some childhood fantasy of either my mom or my stepfather (I'm not sure which). In this fantasy everyone wakes up christmas morn and opens presents and enjoys being together. In my stepfather's family, all the extended family went to their house. No one had to travel. No one had to explain that santa can find you at Grandma's house. And even if they had to travel, it was all of 10 miles because they all lived in THE SAME TOWN.

To me it is simply a matter of logistics. I live in Michigan, and for the last 12 years we have driven to various places in Illinois every Christmas. One year, the year I was 30 weeks pregnant, we stayed here and MIL came up, in fact she was the only one who did. And they KNEW I wasn't going to be able to travel since like August. Yes, that was six years ago, I'm still a little bitter and grudge holding. But please tell me why we have to always drive all over the universe so that we can basically open presents, have a meal and drive each other nuts? Why should I feel guilty because I don't want to do it? Why does Christmas come in December, I'd feel less upset about the driving say in August.
And that last sentence carries with it all the helplessness I feel about things. Christmas doesn't come in August, you can't make it come in August and however much you'd like to lobby for that it ain't gonna happen. Christmas may just be an arbitrary day picked by early Christians to mark the Christ child's birth, but to my family that is *the* day.

For my brother, I know the issues are different. Time is what matters to them. For them, squeezing everything they want to do (need to do, are expected to do, take your pick) is hard. My brother's wife has a large extended family who all seem to expect they will show up at--well I lose track of how many-- different gatherings. I know since my nephew started school things are harder.

I still don't have any answers, but am giving serious thought to hiding until January 5.

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