2009-04-03

The other day, when I took Amy and Emily for their annual checkup, we came out to find that someone had spit gum on my car--right over my "had enough? vote democrat" sticker. After answering about 50 questions from Amy and Emily (Why would someone DO that mama? Why are you calling them idiots? Who let's people have gum if they don't know here it goes when you are done? Why don't thy like our bumper sticker mama? Are they republicans?) I came home and fired off something to livejournal. But you know what--politics aside, spitting gum on someone's car because they don't like the bumper sticker is just beyond rude. Imagine it was one of those--my kid is an honor student at blank school or "go Blue". But I also admit--it worries me that if this can happen in my own town--what might happen while I'm traveling.

And then sad. Yesterday a friend of mine--a young friend--told me he'd tested HIV positive. I know that HIV positive is not the death knell that it was when I was his age. But it is still bad. He's a nice guy and while he freely admits it was his fault, I don't think anyone deserves that. He isn't even thirty yet. It just makes me want to cry--even though I know he's getting the help he needs to start to live in this new world. But I still can't even imagine what he must be going through, or what an impact this will have on his future.

But I promised upbeat. So here's what's keeping me smiling lately.
I realized a week or so ago that I feel so much better when I am with my husband. When we talk like friends do, when we hug and snuggle and when we can just be together. He left on a trip and when he came back, he almost immediately came down with what is most likely shingles. Shingles hurts and the anti-virals and steroids they gave him left him exhausted and barely able to cope. Because we're a team, I've picked up a bunch of slack and let him rest and rest and rest. But I missed him without even realizing what it was that was missing. As he started to feel better and we've gotten back to being the two of us, I've felt my heart get lighter. I missed him, the togetherness, the talking, the laughing. And I didn't expect it after 19 years of marriage.
Amy and Emily are growing and blossoming. I've decided having children is a bit like planting bulbs. You do the planting and then you sit through cold winter and snow and wonder if you'll ever see another blossom, and then slowly the snow melts and boom one day you have a yard full of crocuses all in bloom. That's what it has been like for them. We read and did letter games and sounded things out and just when I was convinced that they would never get beyond the books with three words to a page ("I can write. See me write.) Boom, we have blossoms. Emily reads so well, and she loves it and she laughs at the funny books. Amy reads well but still gets frustrated that she can't read all the words and that she can't read as fast as mom can. When she calms down though, she really enjoys it.
I've often said that Amy and Emily's constant questions make me crazy. But you know, I love that they ask them. Why do crocuses come up in april? How do some know to be yellow and others purple? How did the birds know to come back? Why is the sidewalk covered in worms? Where do worms go in the winter? Will the worms die on the sidewalk? Will birds eat them? Why don't people eat worms? What would happen if they did? Does worm start with a W? All those questions on our 5 minute walk to school. All of them showing me that the girls are curious and interested in everything around them.
And you know what--I don't think I want smart kids. I don't want kids in the gifted program necessarily. I want my kids to always be curious. I want them to always ask questions maybe not always to me, but to their peers, their teachers and themselves. And I want them to answer them with imagination and creativity. So when you hear us walking to school and you hear:
Amy: Why are all these worms out here?
Emily: because it rained. Do you think birds will eat these worms?
Amy; we could save some. Mom, do people ever eat worms?
me: Would you eat a worm?
Amy: if I was a bird
Emily: I'd have to be pretty hungry to eat a worm.
Just know that I may look irritated sometimes because I'm an adult and I need to worry that we are running late, that they might not be warm enough or any of the other of the 50 gazillion things adults worry about that kids are oblivious to, but inside I'm smiling as wide as a river and my heart is overflowing with love and pride.

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