Stalking the Stacks with Library Lil
*Stalking the Stacks with Library Lil* |
2009-01-08 I think I should add to my resolutions. I think I need to add something about trying to let go of hurt and anger.Last night my husband and I got into an argument about how much snow was on the ground! (for the record, I said 4 he said 2). I was mad at his *insistence* on the amount because while he had driven to work (which is a university and therefore plowed), I had slogged back and forth to the elementary school through unshoveled walks, came home and shoveled our driveway and walk. So you know, I think I have a better conception of the amount. But no, he would just not even admit to that, and in fact insulted me saying he thought I not only HAD to be right, but needed him to be wrong. Well no, I guess I just needed him to acknowledge the work I had done. And yes, I know it is a stupid argument. But I went to bed really mad. Really mad. I wondered for a while if this was some problem with my marriage, I mean an argument about snow totals and I'm in bed so mad I could spit, what does that really say about your relationship? Well, I don't think I have any answers. I wish he could be the kind of person who would in the middle of this, realize that we aren't arguing about snow or just let it go as unimportant, but he isn't. Well maybe he does realize it isn't about snow, but I don't think he quite got what it was about. I wish I could have been the "big" person and said, even in my head, that this wasn't a big deal over who was right and just let it go. Give in essentially on the basis that snow totals aren't worth fighting over. Of course there was more. He swept in, 2 hours later than he said he'd be (he had called but STILL I was having a horrible day and he knew it) and immediately started micromanaging dinner. I was not allowed to complain about something I was anticipating (I said I just knew Amy was going to throw a small fit when she found out what we were having for dinner, and I was dreading it because it would have been the approximate 3000th such fit to be thrown that day. and he said--don't let her. gee thanks.) and well basically I was mad before dinner. Which made it both easier and harder to fight later about the snow. Maybe I'm not totally over the Christmas stocking thing, maybe I just need to spend an equal amount of time as I've spent on this snow thing writing down why I love him and things he does and says that make me happy. I don't know. What I do know is that I hate this feeling I get after we fight over something so trivial. I hate feeling hurt after we fight. I hate that I can't just let it go and move on. |
