2008-06-19

I'm also feeling very helpless about the house. We're having a party Saturday for husband's birthday (well I wanted to have a party and this is a good excuse) and I feel like I'll never get everything done. It is a potluck, but I'm realizing, I don't have enough places for people to sit, not nearly enough tables four outside and well, basically one day to pull it all off. My house is, of course, a mess as it usually is--no magic pixies have cleaned for me. The yard is an overgrown disaster--seriously hoping the mower guys come soon! Yesterday as I took stock of all the things that need to be done to make the house presentable--clean both bathrooms, vacuum, mop the kitchen floor and clean the dining room/living room, I started to cry. How can I think about running, when I need to clear off the dining room table--finding someplace to put the yarn that's currently stored there (plus the sewing project stored there--OK that one is easy, bury it in the basement). Plus, I don't want to be the crazy mom that doesn't let the kids do anything because I'm too busy cleaning. AND yet, yesterday when I was home all day long, I did two loads of laundry--made jam which did not set but otherwise did no housework, instead opting for spending all day on the computer. My mind is simply in frantic mode, panicking at the mere thought of 15 people coming to the house Saturday, and at times simply shuts down.

I feel like if I could just focus and remember that everything will get done if I take it one step at a time, that I'd be OK. But then I look at that table with the sewing and the books and think oh my god where will everyone sit and oh yes I need propane for the grill and for some reason need to go to the bank to get my debit card something or othered and soon I just must sit down and read blogs or my head will explode. Seriously, one. step. at. a time. If I could just move the yarn and not worry about the propane or the errands or the playdates I'm supposed to schedule or when oh when is the CSA going to start with the veg. It will get done.

Yoga? you say I need my yoga? The one place my mind gets to blank out? Well, yes I do, but you know that babysitter thing I mentioned, she's making me crazier with the party. Every time we see her she asks me if I want to borrow chairs or tables or can she do something and instead of being sensible and saying, why yes, how many tables and chairs can you bring over, I panic: CHAIRS! TABLES! FOOD! then soon I'm trying to dust the floor in my closet because of course that will help.
Breathe.

You'd think I was running around frantic but when my brain shuts down--which it often does at this point, you can find me slack-jawed in front of the computer.

Oh yes, the man isn't helping either--I just called him (from work I'm at work this is not interfering with my housework at the moment) to see if I could run at least one errand that I might say HE wants me to do (lower the transaction limit on my new debit card from 3500 to something more reasonable like say 200--which requires presenting yourself at the bank) he throws blocks in my way: you need the card, the new one that I told you not to carry around and you haven't activated that's sitting her next to me. Can't I use the old card? He thinks not as this new card has a different transaction limit than the old card.
OK, enough dithering, I'm posting this and calling the bank--ACTION always makes me feel better.

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